


The Darkness Got A Hold On Me

by mishabear27



Series: The deputy deserves better [1]
Category: Barry (TV 2018), Sinister (Movies)
Genre: Deputy So and So Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, barry berkman is sweet, deputy so and so's name is aaron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:46:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29805186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishabear27/pseuds/mishabear27
Summary: Deputy So and So, or Aaron, is barely making it by. But one day he meets a man seems to actually care about him.
Relationships: Barry Berkman/Deputy So and So (Sinister)
Series: The deputy deserves better [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2190177
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	The Darkness Got A Hold On Me

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song Meet Me in the Woods by Lord Huron. I associate this song pretty heavily with Deputy So and So.

Going across the country burning down houses was hard work, especially for an ex deputy, who always felt quite a bit of guilt for breaking the laws he once enforced. But he knew it was necessary to protect who knows how many innocent families from a terrible fate. Aaron, or Deputy So and So as his old coworkers used to call him, was constantly on the move. He couldn't stay in one place too long for fear of being caught. It was exhausting, he wanted more than anything to settle down and live the rest of his life in peace, but he knew he would never escape the nightmares. He saw Bughuul everywhere, in mirrors, windows, doorways, it didn't matter where he was. Bughuul was always there too. His paranoia was off the charts, he lived in constant fear that he would be found by police, or worse, killed by the thing that haunted him. But he tried his best to push through it.

Aaron had always struggled with his sexuality, being raised in a small town full of the closeminded. As a child he had always heard that being gay was a sin and would lead to hell, but he never understood why. What was so wrong about loving someone? Why did it matter if they were a boy or girl? He never had a relationship that lasted longer than a few months. The guys he dated just never felt right, there wasn't a real connection. He wanted more than anything to have a lover, a companion, but he just could find the right guy. And now being on the road all the time, there was never time for anything more than hook ups. Short and meaningless. He hated it. Sure, the guys were attractive, and yeah, maybe the sex was good, but there wasn't love.

He knew realistically he wouldn't find anyone. Too paranoid to settle down, massive amounts of trauma, nightmares, and the fact that he saw what was basically the boogey-man everywhere he went was enough for him to figure that no one would really want to be with him anyway. But that didn't stop him from wishing. He barely slept, he couldn't, not with the nightmares. Visions of Mr. Oswalt being killed over and over, Bughuul always in the shadows, watching. It was awful, he was standing right in front of him, but he couldn't move, he could only watch the man he had grown to care about so much be murdered right before his eyes, by his own daughter no less. His screams behind the gag were heartbreaking to Aaron, who had found himself falling for the author. He always woke up in a cold sweat, throat raw from screaming for the man he knew was already gone.

He found himself sobbing quietly into the blankets of whatever shitty motel he was in nearly every night. It was a problem and he knew it, he was barely getting 2 hours of sleep a night. The bags under his eyes were more prominent everyday. He looked awful and he knew it, he barely ate, never being able to keep it down after a sighting of Bughuul or a memory of Ellison. He dangerously thin, his large brown eyes were sunken and usually puffy from crying. But he kept on, he had to. He couldn't live with himself if he stopped and let innocent families be murdered by their own children when he knew how to stop it.

Somedays when he was driving to the next house or just in his motel room researching, he would think about what he could have had if none of this had ever happened. Could he have been happy? Would he have been able to find someone he loved and who loved him? He just wanted someone to care. Someone to hold him after a nightmare. Someone who would love him no matter how much trauma he had, or how scared he was. So everyday he hoped. That maybe he would find the right person. Someone who would go with him. Help him on this rocky path. 

He had been researching for days and had finally come across a house that seemed right, or well wrong. The house had only existed for about 30 years, but in that time four families had died in the house. Always in odd ways, with a child missing. The first family had all been tied to poles in shot, a mother, father, and seven year old little girl. The eight year old boy however, had never been found. The second family, was the same, but hung, and this time it was the little girl who went missing. The third family had been drugged, weighted down, and drowned in the house's pool, two children and two adults died, with a ten year old boy missing. And the final family, the most recent had consisted of a single father and his two sons, one six and one ten. The ten year old and the father were found dismembered, with a bloody chainsaw beside them. The six year old was never found and assumed to have been kidnapped by the killer. Aaron decided this was most in fact a Bughuul house, so he began his drive, from Dallas to a small town outside of LA.

The drive took a full day, no stops. He drove for about twenty hours before reaching his destination, he checked into a cheap motel and decided to call it a night. Once he got to his room he took as long as he could showering and getting ready for bed. He dreaded sleeping, it was like a chore, but worse. Every time he had to watch Ashley take an axe to her father it broke him down more and more. He was falling apart and he knew it, but he was afraid of getting help. No one would believe him, and if he got sent off, who would continue his mission? Who would protect the unknowing families? He couldn't let anything get in the way of him and his goal. So he continued on, even though he knew it might kill him. He woke up multiple times that night, but always tried for sleep again, no matter how afraid he was.

Eventually morning came around and he woke from his fitful sleep. He got dressed, a t-shirt and jeans with a brown leather jacket, got breakfast, and prepared for the days crime. He drove to the house and made sure there was no one in the surrounding area. Then he took to the house with the gasoline. Inside and out was as soaked as he could get it with his limited supply. He checked once again that there was no one around before tossing a match onto the porch and running back. He'd done this enough now that he was basically a pro arsonist, but his first time there was some burnt hair and hands. He watched for a moment as the blaze swallowed the house before he bolted. He left quickly and made sure to leave no evidence. He decided he would spend a night in LA before heading onto the next house he had found, in Missoula. He drove into the city and got another motel room, this one slightly nicer than the last but still cheap. He had quite a bit of money saved, and he did some PI work when he could, but he tried to be a cautious as he could. He went quickly to his room to shower and change before he decided to explore the city a bit.

He walked past a bunch of odd looking shops and before he saw a small bookstore that caught his interest, he looked around before stumbling upon a true crime section. He looked at the shelves lined with books detailing brutal killings, like those he spent his days trying to stop. He wandered around awkwardly, not wanting to disturb the other man in the section. The man was tall. brown hair, sharp jaw and cheekbones. He wore a light blue shirt and jeans. He was attractive, which made Aaron all the more uncomfortable when he accidentally made eye contact with the man. He had beautiful blue eyes, and a kind face. He gave Aaron a polite smile before returning his attention to the books. Aaron decided it was time to leave before he made a fool of himself.

He wandered around the city for a few more hours before heading to a bar. He wasn't an alcoholic by any means, but he did frequent bars. Really who could blame him, his line of work required something to dull his emotions every now and then.

He sat down and ordered a beer, he hadn't decided if he wanted to get drunk or not yet. He stared at the countertop for what might have been hours, thinking about the house, and the man from the bookstore. He decided that it was a "get drunk" night, and ordered two shots and another beer. After downing the first shot he noticed someone sit on down beside him. He glanced over, and sure enough, it was the man from the bookstore. And those pretty blue eyes were looking right back over at him.

"Rough day, huh?" The stranger said.

"mhmm" Aaron mumbled.

"Not much of a talker?" The man asked.

"Sorry, m' just tired." He replied.

"That's okay." The man smiled. "My name's Barry, you?"

"Aaron." He answered, he had given up on fake names a long time ago.

"Aaron." The man, Barry, repeated. Like he was testing how it felt to say. He smiled

"So Aaron, what makes a pretty fellow like you end up here?" Barry asked, a grin painting his features.

Aaron snorted, he could hardly be considered pretty, the state he was in. Barry made a face that Aaron couldn't read. Like confusion, with concern? No, why would this basically stranger be concerned about him.

"I don't know if I'd use the word pretty, and like you said, rough day."

"Well I did use the word pretty, and I meant it. And as for the shitty day, do you want to talk about it?"

Aaron froze at this, could he have been caught, was this man just trying to get a confession out of him.

"I- uhh, well, I-"

"Hey, hey, it's okay you don't have to if you don't want to, no pressure." Barry smiled, it was a nice smile, soft and warm.

Aaron nodded. He took another sip of his beer, unable to meet the mans eyes. He felt so safe with this man, yet he barely knew him. It just felt like the guy really cared.

"I would tell you, if I could, it's just I" he trailed off.

"I get it, more than you'd think. Most days are rough days, but I can't talk about it because, well, y'know. I can't talk about it." Barry said. 

Aaron noticed he seemed to get uncomfortable when talking about himself. Not that he could judge.

"So, do you live here or just stopping through?" Barry asked, shaking off the discomfort.

"Just driving through," Aaron said. "Had a job right outside of town."

"Same here, well, my job is in town but still." Barry replied.

"Are you on the road a lot, I am, constantly on the move." Aaron said, a sadness suddenly clouding his mind, he would most likely never see this man again after tonight.

"Yep, always on the move. Not ideal but, it pays." Barry said, the same sadness shining through in his voice as well. 

They both sat there for a moment, just looking at one another. Aaron studied Barry's face, his eyes, bone structure, his lips. His lips looked nice, soft. He wanted to kiss them, he didn't know if this man was even gay. Sure, he had said he was pretty, but maybe he didn't mean it like that. All these thoughts left his mind however, when the man started leaning in. Barry pressed his lips against the ex-deputy's. He was still at first, but then leaned into it. Melting when Barry put a hand around him, touching the back of his neck. The kiss only lasted a moment before Barry pulled back. 

"I've been wanting to do that since the bookstore." he admitted.

Aaron just sat there in shock.

"Don't feel pressured to say yes or anything, but, wanna get out of here?" Barry asked

"Mhmm." Aaron nodded.

They both payed their tabs and left, they decided to return to Aarons room. Once the door to the room was shut Barry was on him, kissing him deeply. Aaron loved every second of it. Barry tugged at the hem of Aarons shirt, signaling him to remove it. He pulled the shirt over his head and fell back onto the bed. Barry did the same and climbed on the bed beside him. They kissed for what seemed like hours, Barry taking the lead. Aaron couldn't remember the last time someone was this gentle with him. He was small, he wasn't very tall and he was quite slim, so most men he hooked up with took advantage of that and were quite rough. But Barry was tender, he was gentle and handled Aaron carefully. He started to think about how he had to leave tomorrow, and how this may be the last time he ever sees Barry again. He felt his chest tighten and his heart began beating rapidly. He was having a panic attack, he knew this, he had them quite often. His breathing started to quicken and Barry pulled back, a concerned look on his face.

"Hey, are you okay?" Aaron couldn't breathe, the room was spinning. He didn't want to cry in front of Barry but he couldn't stop it. Everything was to overwhelming.

"Hey, c'mon, listen to me okay. I'm right here, I'm not gonna go anywhere, okay." Barry said, rubbing circles on Aaron's back.

"B-but you will, I have to leave soon, a- a-and you'll l-leave and I may n-never see you ag- again." Aaron choked out.

"Oh, I'll give you number, and you can call me anytime. Plus I'm not leaving here for at least another week, so you could always stay an extra day or two." Barry said softly.

"Y-yeah I guess." Aaron said, calming down.

Barry moved his hand from Aarons back to wipe his eyes.

"See, so we worked something out." He smiled softly down at him. 

"Thank you, no one's ever h-helped me with a panic attack before. And I'm sorry you had to see th-that." 

"Hey, don't apologize. It happens to the best of us. How about we get some sleep?" Barry said, stroking through Aaron's hair. 

"I think that would be good." Aaron said. 

They kicked off their jeans, and climbed under the sheets. Barry wrapped his arm over Aarons waist and snuggled up behind him. And for the first time in months, he felt completely safe, and slept soundly.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully this wasn't too bad. I've never seen a Sinister movie, just clips, so this is all based on clips and guesswork. It's always bothered me that they never gave the deputy a name, and I think he deserves one, so I decided to give it to him. I feel like he probably has some trauma but has a hard time dealing with it, so I wanted to include that. I hope you guys liked my interpretation and enjoyed it!


End file.
